I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
