Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
