I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were trust falling into bushes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
