garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
