I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
