Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
