I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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