I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
