i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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