How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
