You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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