that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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