jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
