would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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