Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
