yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
