You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
