This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize