It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
