i just had sex bonerless
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
