you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize