I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
