Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
