I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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