Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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