We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
