Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
