I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
