the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize