I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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