I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
