I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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