My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize