onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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