how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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