I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
