I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i out mim tonsoeep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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