just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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