I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alive.
So much puke
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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