wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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