I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
