I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
