I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
