hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
