Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
