Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
