Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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