i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
sex in a hospital.. check
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
