OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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