i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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