I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
