He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
