I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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