OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
