my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
