It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
