Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
