i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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