So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He did a backflip because drugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
