I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone says I win the strip club
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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