Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
