Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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