My nipple is on Facebook.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
