i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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