I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
