i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
