Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
