Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so let's talk penis.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
