I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
