i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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