you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
