just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
