You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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