haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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