census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
