Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
