Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
