I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think your dad took our porno
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
