He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize