By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize