I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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