Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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