I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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