I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
