So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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