____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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