Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
