Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize