i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
