i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
