Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
