Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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