She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
