I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
