How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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