No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
