Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
