Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
