just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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