I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
